Monkey Shines

Start date: 05/12/10   248 pounds           Today: 05/14/10  245 pounds        Attitude: Cranky but making it

After three days of dieting, my two day old headache is almost gone. The dieting part has been fairly easy. I have managed to down 120 ounces of water for three days straight. Today, I am already at about 140 ounces and still drinking.  This diet causes ketosis which draws the fluids out of cell structure. Replenishing fluids is key.

The drink mixes aren’t bad. There are about 20 flavors, but I could only buy four boxes at a time. Who ever dreamed up this diet was pretty smart. My four pack for the week include 2 drinks that are the consistency of milk, one that is to be consumed hot and is thick like cream soup and one that is like chocolate pudding, which can be frozen like ice cream. The variety of textures and temperatures helps keep it from being boring. 

I plan to clean out the refrigerator and cupboards this weekend. It will be almost a year before I will be back on a regular diet so there is no sense keeping them stocked.  I am saddest about 2 pears, an apple and a half a bag of shelled pistachios. It’s been my habit for a long time to sit down at the computer when I get home with a bottle of water and a piece of fruit. The apple is a Red Delicious, and it is perfectly shaped and colored. The pears are Boscs – also my favorite. Maybe I will paint them or photograph them before they head to Jane’s house with the rest of my groceries.

When I was calculating the cost of this diet, I considered that I would not be eating out every day. At $10 – $12 per day, that expense adds up. On the other hand, it is important for me to get away from my desk so that I don’t feel deprived. Today, I downed my soup then jumped in the car and headed to the local thrift shop where I blew the equivalent cost of three days lunches. So much for saving…   I am going to have to come up with a more imaginative and cheaper lunch plan.

So.. on to the weekend!

Fat. 35 years of fat.

All the physical complications associated with Fat. Type 2 diabetes. Thyroid issues. Back pain. Swollen legs and feet. All the psychological complications from Fat.  Low self-respect. Insecurity. Irritability. Compensation.

I have been seriously fat for 35 years, but honestly, I thought I was fat for years before that. When I wore a size 14 in high school, I thought I was monsterous. After high school, the weight started creeping up on me.  

On Monday, I weighed 248 pounds. That’s 120 pounds of Fat.

On Monday, I started a new plan. I am now on the Methodist Hospital “New Directions” weight loss program. I decided to embark on this journey after watching my boss, Donnie, lose 50 pounds in three months. He looks like a new person. He has seemed happy about the whole process.  His only problem has been that, since they make you drink so much water, he heads to the men’s room about every ten minutes.

The plan lasts about a year and costs a small fortune. It consists of prepared meals, weekly weigh-ins and blood pressure tests, consultations with doctors, dieticians and counselors, group therapy and monthly blood tests.  Once I am within 10 pounds of my goal weight – which should be 5-6 months from  now - I will be able to introduce real food back into my diet, but will continue with the program after that to re-program myself to eat properly.

I went to the orientation a couple of weeks ago. Last week, I had a physical including bloodwork, urinalysis and an EKG to make sure I am fit enough to do this.  I got the OK on Tuesday to start the program on Wednesday. 

On Tuesday night, I went to Jane’s for a “last supper”. Grilled ribeyes with mushrooms in butter sauce, potatoes with sour cream, salad with good dressing, hard rolls with butter and my last bottle of Gravity 05 Shiraz. It was heavenly.  

Yesterday morning, I met with the dieticians and started the program. I told this skinny, young thing that, while I recognized it had taken me 35 years to put on all this weight, could she please make me a size 6 by next Tuesday? Some people have no sense of humor. I purchased 4 boxes of mixes which will be my meals for the next week. Each box contains seven packets of concentrated drink concoctions to be mixed with water and consumed 4 times a day.  I chose cream of chicken soup, orange pineapple drink, chocolate pudding and vanilla with fiber drink. In addition to these meals, I must drink one ounce of water for every 2 pounds I weigh - 124 ounces per day. Of that amount, 32 ounces can be decaffeinated coffee, tea or soda. That’s a lot of liquid.  I think that’s more liquid than I have swallowed in months.

Before leaving for the hospital, I had already had a cup of yogurt and a couple of cups of coffee . I had sipped through a bottle of water in the car on the way to the hospital. While at the hospital, I drank my first vanilla with fiber drink and downed another bottle of water. After completing all my meetings with I headed to the car to go to work. 

About half way to work, I started feeling a little uneasy. Should I stop at a fast-food place to use the bathroom? Nah, I can make it. Then there was a car accident in front of me on the highway slowing us to a snail’s pace. Uh oh. Pull over? Nah, I can make it. Finally, I pulled into the parking garage at work, grabbed my stuff and headed for the elevator. I knew I was in trouble. I was praying I could make it. I hit the button and … damn…  Nah, I couldn’t make it… Back to the car, back on the highway, back to the house for a shower and a change of clothes.

As you can imagine, I was a bit freaked out. It’s a 30 minute ride to work. Could I make it back?? I looked around the house for options. A few months back, my dog Mel was having incontinence issues, so I bought her doggie diapers. Could I? Would I? You betcha. I headed back to work with a doggie diaper in my pants and a change of clothes in a carryall bag.

I was fine for the rest of the day yesterday. I drank my water and ate two more mixes. I wasn’t very hungry at all.  I went to bed at about 10PM.

At 3AM, I woke up with a roaring headache at 3am. The dieticians had told me that the first week would be tough especially because I have been such a heavy coffee drinker – 4 -5 cups a day. My body was going through caffeine withdrawals. Add to it that I stopped smoking at the same time. Today was a little rough – not with the food or water, but with a pounding headache and general crankiness.  I have a staff of about 70 people who tiptoed around me.

It is not going to be easy but I am determined. I plan to post here regularly about my journey to skinnitude.